The sun slowly rose over the horizon, its warm orange light crept through the crack in the dark curtains. A thin line of light fell over one of Soren’s eyes.

  Despite his best efforts, sleep eluded him. Dark circles clung to his eyelids. He was beyond tired, both mentally and physically. The moment of reflection he had at the lake left him in shambles, constant thoughts of inferiority and self hatred kept him up.

  Even if he was able, Soren had no desire to move from his place atop the sheets, or at all for that matter.

  ‘I’d rather just rot here…’

  Staring mindlessly at the ceiling, sounds of other students slowly waking up to start their day briefly drew his attention. The advanced classes would start in a couple hours, if he wanted breakfast, then now was the time to move.

  ‘What’s the point? Why go to a class I know I won't succeed in, wasting soul that doesn’t even belong to me… What’s the point of any of this?’

  Why go to the academy in the first place? Sure, he lacked refinement in weaving, but spell casting had never been his greatest asset in the first place. He didn’t kill a lieutenant with spells, no, he strangled him to death.

  There was nothing weaving could do for him that he couldn’t find a way around. Being a skilled weaver would make everything easier, but he couldn’t. Even Callagen advised him on going into runic science.

  ‘Maybe he’s right… Perhaps I should make as many of those bombs as I can and charge through whatever meat shields Julian’s gotten for himself.’

  But then what? If he didn’t mess up the plan, then what could he do with the information he gets? If he wasn’t killed after he reached the old Hathaway, then he’d just be tracked down and killed after.

  Letting out a deep sigh, Soren covered his eyes with his arm. Shielding them from the harsh light of the morning sun.

  “… When will this nightmare end?”

  After an hour or so, soft knocking came from outside his door, quickly followed by the timid voice of Amon.

  “Soren… We’ll be late if we don’t leave soon.”

  Not even bothering to look towards the door, nor acknowledge his friend's presence, Soren laid motionless, unwilling to answer the cursed noble.

  “… Soren?”

  Once again, no reply came to the boy. After a few moments of silence, Amon called out once more.

  “I’ll let professor Hanami know you aren’t feeling well… Did I…”

  Amon didn’t finish his sentence, not wanting to press Soren any further. Somberly, he departed along with hundreds of other students. Soren, now left alone once more, did not move from his spot.

  …

  The hours passed by slowly… Even when the painful growling of his stomach urged him to find some form of sustenance, he did not leave his room. He felt too disgusted to eat anything.

  Knowing he benefited off of their deaths stung more than any wound he had suffered. He would have suffered countless blades, let all his bones be shattered, anything but this.

  Now that he was aware of their presence, it was all he could feel… There was more of their soul in him, than his own.

  Gripping his chest tightly, Soren let out a shaken breath.

  “… Would it be better if I was dead?”

  The thought had crossed his mind several times… In truth, he did not think he would survive his reunion with Killian. He had so carelessly thrown himself into danger, the thought of his death brought him no fear.

  But things are different now.

  Soren was no longer risking his life alone. The soul was the very essence of a person, the measure of their life. Now, he held not only his own future, but theirs as well. His siblings had so much life to give, so many things they would go on to do. If he died all that potential would fade away with him.

  ‘… Would I be killing them again? After everything I’ve done to make up for my mistakes… Have I been tormenting them? Is that why I hear their voices, why I’m plagued by constant nightmares?’

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  He had written off the voices he heard as nothing more than figments of his imagination, but perhaps there was more to them than what he originally thought.

  ‘Maybe I really am going crazy… Or perhaps I’ve been crazy this whole time.’

  A much firmer knock broke the silence he was basking in, too soft to belong to Soren’s timid friend, but still familiar. Not even bothering to look in the direction of the knocking, Soren stared at his ceiling, hoping whoever it was would give up and leave him alone.

  But much to his dismay, the knocking persisted. With it, a firm, yet gentle voice called out from behind the thick piece of wood.

  “Soren! Open up… Don’t make me break this door down!”

  That was a voice he could not forget no matter how much he tried, the woman who had taken care of him after the tragedy… Seline.

  “Go away…”

  Soren said in a monotone voice, too tired to express his annoyance.

  There was a brief silence before Seline barked back.

  “It’s a courtesy that I haven’t kicked this door down already! Now, open up before I have to pay for a replacement.”

  With a sigh, Soren pulled himself up from his bed. His legs trembled as he walked to the door.

  “Fine…”

  Soren mumbled as he unlocked the door, but before he had time to open it himself, Seline nearly took it off the hinges herself. Letting the fiery red hair woman enter, Soren walked back to his bed, lowering himself back onto the comforting sheets.

  A moment of awkward silence passed between the two, Soren absentmindedly stared at his hands, while Selina’s gaze burned a hole through him.

  ‘Great… Now I have to sit through a lecture on missing class.’

  Fidgeting with the small ring on his finger, awaiting the inevitable beratement Seline was about to subject him to. But instead of a harsh tone, sweet words drenched with concern escaped her lips.

  “What happened?”

  Where to start? He could spend hours going over every painful piece of knowledge he gained, sharing every disgusting detail with her. But he didn’t… He couldn’t. So, in a shaky voice, he answered her.

  “I can’t do this…”

  “I’m weak… I’m a coward! I can’t even keep up with school, how the hell am I supposed to unravel this damned secret? I can’t… I just can’t”

  She stared at him for a moment, then coldly asked him.

  “So… What do you want to do then?”

  Soren’s eyes widened slightly. What else was there to do? This was the only reason he kept going, there was nothing else for him. Looking up at her, his tired eyes threatened to let tears spill out.

  “I… I don’t know.”

  She turned her back to him, as she walked to his small desk, retreating Julian’s journal. Staring at it for a moment, occasionally glancing at Soren’s distressed figure, Seline flipped through its pages.

  “All those years ago when I found you shaking, covered in their blood, I swore to myself I would protect you. I made sure you would have everything you needed for a normal life… At least some semblance of one. But you couldn't let it go, you made me promise to help you find him, no matter what.”

  Soren’s expression soured at her words. She spoke nothing but the truth, his anger and rashness made him blind to all else around him. Guilt made him take the burden alone, refusing Seline’s offer to do it for him. In his eyes, it was his responsibility to find his father, to take vengeance with his own two hands.

  ‘What a joke… I ended up ruining everything… just like always.’

  Small tears fell into his palms, no sobbing followed, only bitter silence. Seline watched his trembling form for a moment, her face bearing a solemn expression.

  “One last time Soren. I’ll ask once more… Let me take over, you never should have done this in the first place. You’re still a child, subjecting you to a life like this was only cruel. I will find Killian, get answers… Kill him. You can stay here, live like other children, try your best to enjoy life once more. I promise Soren… I promise I can do this for you.”

  Maybe she had a point. It was clear he lacked what it took, but Seline was different. She was probably the strongest person he knew, a skilled battle-master trained by Killian himself… She could do it.

  If anyone could, it was her. But even so, asking her to do this was the cruelest thing he could ask of another. She would give up everything, her job at the academy, her standing with the families, everything. Soren was prepared to carry that burden himself, even after all the times he wished to pass it on to someone else, this felt wrong.

  ‘Seline took care of me, she cared for me, trained me. She didn’t have to, none of Killian’s other students came to my aid, but yet she still did. She’s the only family I have left, how could I ask her to do this?”

  Soren was impatient, he angered easily, nothing about him was suited for this. Perhaps this was for the best, maybe this was his last chance at something normal. And who knows, if the truth around Killian was brought to light, then maybe people would stop shunning him.

  He would stop being seen as a monster.

  ‘But what about her? Finding Killian means going through Julian, she would become an enemy of the great houses. Her life would be over…’

  Was Soren really willing to sacrifice more of the people he cared about if it meant he could be happy?

  Words clung to the back of his throat, he wanted to tell her no, keep the burden on himself. She had done so much already, asking more would be nothing but selfish… But even so.

  “... Ok”

  That simple word felt like broken glass as it escaped his lips. One word… That was all it took, he had sealed her fate with one simple word.

  Seline stared at him for a prolonged moment. Moving closer, she laid a gentle hand on his shoulder, then exited Soren’s dorm room with Julian’s journal.

  Soren tried his best to say something before she left, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t. Several minutes after her departure, Soren spoke in a barely audible tone.\

  “I'm sorry…”