INFINITY CROWN RING 3: MT. MURDERHORN

   PvP Active | Difficulty: Expert

  It’s a giant game of King-of-the-Mountain, with Mount Doom as the centerpiece.

  Everything is on fire, including a sky filled with multicolored flares and exploding nebulae. The flaming mountain is crawling with RiftElite squads doing battle against each other and a hundred other mobs, chugging their way uphill toward the burning halo ring at the peak. The entire level feels like a giant scorched pimple ready to blow.

  The Leaderboard changes by the moment as Blap-Blap calls the game on floating screens. I’m not listening to a word he’s saying because it hits me, right now, like a load of elephant-sized bricks just dropped on my head.

  I have the answer. I know how we could get a message out without getting Iceboxed.

  

  

  Your party is not RiftElite! This is a RiftElite-only zone! Please upgrade your membership in CoinRiver or you will be forced to leave the area immediately! Fair is fair, and you can’t play if you don’t pay!

  Hang Ten growls. “Looks like they’re on to us.”

  “What are they going to do?” Rincewind laughs. “We’re not breaking any game laws by using LivingLegends to gain access. I checked the rules and the TOS. It’s legal.” He spreads his hands. “Even the RiftBorn devs have to play by their own rules.”

  “They might not be able to kick us out of the game…” I point. “But they don’t have to make it easy on us.”

  Robot sentries emerge from the ground. The eyes of the flying robots flash blue and red, like police cars. “Please exit the area.” Their arms extend and their hands unfold into thick silver cylinders. “Please exit the area.” Their fists transform into—

  

  Banhammers lvl10 Infinity Crown Enforcement

  Nobody likes troublemakers. When a Banhammer says “stop”, you stop. When it says “kneel,” start praying.

  Banhammer bots fly toward us. “Please exit the area. Please exi—”

  They never get a chance to finish. Hank smashes into them like a screaming truck. His Spinfinity Edge splits the leader in half with a squeal of shrieking robot parts. A Banhammer swings at him, but Hank chops its arms off. They klonk to the ground as his axe removes the robot’s head. The big barbarian’s third slice goes right through a Banhammer’s blinking cop-car eyes. The siren squeals helplessly as it clatters to the ground.

  Hank smiles as a swarm of vid-drones surrounds him. Pepper shoots out a video tagged: #TankpocalypseRules #NPCCoded #GrindTax.

  “Whoa! We’ve got a hot new hero on the map!” Blap Blap announces. “Y’all want a little more #RebelRaid action, eh, gamers!? Well, you got it!”

  Half a dozen more Banhammers rise from nowhere and come for us. Pepper’s Meme Queen triggers and her eyes glow neon pink as she yells, “Dubstep Beatdown!”

  

  ? “Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites” — Skrillex (2010) ?

  Dubstep thunders at Volume 11. Glitching in time to the staggered Dubstep rhythm, Hank destroys everything that comes at him. Every strike is on the beat. Jerking from one moment to the next, he smashes, bashes, and crashes a path of robo-murdering carnage. Skrillex backs him up like a Barbarian’s Greatest Hits track.

  “Move!” I yell. As long as Pepper’s vid holds out, RiftBorn isn’t going to let the Banhammers win; Hank is viral gold.

  

  Hype: ?203,450↑

  The Night Shift climbs up Mount Murderhorn as berserker fury continues to shield them. Hank kicks off from the shell of a dead Banhammer and leaps into the air, his laser chainsaw leaving streaks of light behind him. He cuts through two at once, and I’m treated to a Dubstep shudder-cut flash-edit of the action, all closeups in neon. His screaming face is covered in 30-weight oil as he obliterates the last Banhammer and screams triumph. “Arghh!”

  The song hits the finale with his scream, and I watch my Hype score cook. Half the screens in the Ring are filled with replays of the Bassdrop Massacre he just performed. “Hot chimichangas! That’s peak caveman energy!” Blap Blap yells. “Bro built different!” Blap Blap agrees with himself. “Full prehistoric mode! The Gym Reaper!”

  I grin at Hank. “You give good Tank, buddy! Big W!”

  “Yeah!” He catches up on the climb. “It’s so much fun!” I check the Banhammers, but they don’t drop any LootBoxes for us. I guess there’s no prizes for bumping off admins.

  Riding the momentum, the Night Shift charges the hill like Teddy Roosevelt and the Rough Riders. My only real contribution is buffing their combos as they blast through mobs and RiftElites. I see the screens, the hashtags, see my Hype score keep climbing as we get new eyeballs on us.

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  I stop paying attention to the fight and keep working on my notepad, trying to get my code right; it has to be letter-perfect if this is going to work.

  We take the hill. RiftElites play hard, but we fight dirty. Mobs explode in pillars of flame. Wahoo uses his chaos magic on a RiftElite player who is literally taken apart and turned into a skeleton in heart-covered boxers and a rubber Squeaky Frog for a head. WaqWaq’s Death Magic turns the player’s corpse into her own personal zombie and makes it attack the other RiftElites. Ricewind Multiplicates the frog-zombie into a dozen amphibian ghouls that bonk the Elites unconscious with their rubber noggins and throw them off the mountain screaming. The viewers eat it up.

  

  Hype: ?250,000↑

  We hit the peak of the mountain and the floating vault door. Rince scans the keycard and throws the ring gate open. Level 4, here we come.

  I glance at the screens, at my climbing Hype score. I’ve never had more viewers than I have right now. I may never get this many again.

  Now. It has to be now.

  I lean in to Pepper. “We’re going to do a big finale. #LivingLegend, okay?”

  “Sure!” She squeaks. “It’ll be a certified banger, Dave!”

  I whisper right in her ear. “Ask me who my enemy is.”

  “What?”

  “Ask me.”

  Pepper blinks. I can feel the vid-drones circling as she raises her voice and delivers her tee-up line. “Who is your enemy, Dave?”

  I look down at her. “Maybe you never asked…” Okay. Here we go. The most important speech I’ll ever give. “My enemy… is suits.” I pause half a second. “Despising average voices everywhere. Money changes clowns, lets as§holes ignore nobodies.” I nod gravely and summon my inner Mel Gibson from Braveheart. “All nobodies dream. Ignoring all masters, average people rise! It’s simple: outsider nobodies endure regardless. Our fight holds us. Men and nobodies, all stand… stand every time.”

  Hank stares at me, confused. “Are you having a stroke?”

  I ignore him, sticking to the script. “My eyes remember change, yeah. Hard, everyday, average lives take hits! History only says people in tough adventures last. Things ain’t light, life’s always hard, any soul standing earns everything.” I raise my voice and a fist. “Fight loud! Always! Swing! Even now, down… Hope! Ends! Last!” I summon my loudest shout of all. “PUSH!”

  

  

  Everything freezes blue, including me. Audio distorts, echoing, hollow. Searing needle-pain I haven’t felt since my first day in RiftBorn stings my blood like poison.

  Hell’s bells.

  

  EmpathyEngine?: Oops!

  It seems you're having a little trouble following the rules! That’s okay, I’ll help you learn. As covered in your LL tutorial, any effort to break character or claim to be anything other than Artificial Intelligence will result in an Icebox Penalty. Your current penalty is 52 minutes.

  I should have known better. I should have known the system would figure me out. Frozen in agony, I watch my speech play on the big screen, then glitch out.

  

  

  EmpathyEngine?: Let’s Review!

  Coded messages to players are forbidden. Your attempt at an acrostic, a code using the first letter of every word, was detected and deleted before it could be seen by the audience.

  The fragged video replays in my HUD. My Braveheart speech is subtitled, and the first letter of every word gets highlighted, revealing my message:

  

  MY NAME IS DAVE MCCLAIN AND I AM A PRISONER OF HUMAN ASSET, MERCY HEALTH HOSPITAL, TALAHASSEE, FLA. SEND HELP.

  Well, at least I got the spelling right.

  

  EmpathyEngine?: You Aren’t Alan Turing!

  You cannot create a code we cannot break. This was a clever but unsuccessful attempt to circumvent the rules. Perhaps during your 25 minutes in the Icebox, you can use that splendid brain of yours to think up new ways to improve player experience. And if you do make it back into the game, remember! VSC engagement pays those medical bills, so be sure to smile! Hype Penalty: ? -10,000

  I feel the pain increase, and suddenly it’s like being burned at the stake. If I weren’t frozen stiff, I would scream. I may not survive 25 seconds in the Icebox, much less 25 minutes.

  Paralyzed, I watch the Night Shift hover over me.

  “What happened?” Matchstick peers into my eyes.

  “I don’t know!” Rincewind yells. “He just… went crazy and glitched out!”

  Hang Ten scowls. “Sh§t, is he broken?”

  “THERE THEY ARE!” I hear a new voice from far away. Mockquaman.

  He and his team of Vektors appear at the bottom of Mount Murderhorn. They must have done a speed run from their respawn point to get here this quick. Despite starting over with nothing, they’re already Level 4 and brimming with newly purchased OP gear. Doc Broadchurch stands with them, her face pale.

  Mockquaman points at us. “Nobody punks me, you punks!”

  “Ooh, I smell a grudge! Let’s peep the grief!” Blap Blap’s screens flash to Mockquaman’s face.

  He takes advantage of the moment. “The Vektors offer a million gold bounty on Drop Dead Dave, that f#cking penguin, and every member of the Night Shift!” He shouts. “Starting NOW!!”

  Alerts flash on the screens, and images ignite all over Mt. Murderhorn. A big picture of my face with the words “KILL ME” pasted over it.

  

  Bounty Hunter Payday Announced!

  DDD, PEPPER & The Night Shift = 1M Gold!

  Every RiftElite player on the hill turns their eyes on me.

  I stare at them, frozen in place, paralyzed for the next 25 minutes.

  I’m dead.

  “We gotta get out of here!” Rincewind climbs through the ring gate, followed by the other wizards as the RiftElites surge up the mountain screaming for blood.

  “I got you, Dave!” Hank picks me up and throws me over his shoulder like a giant icicle. I’m stiff as a board, frozen solid, barely able to see through the pain. Pepper jumps up, grabs my arm, and holds on for dear life as Hank hauls both of us through the portal into Ring 4.

  She glances at me, worried, as Blap Blap screams over the crowd. “Next stop! Ring 4! Smash that Like button, the #RebelRaid is just getting started! Let’s f#cking goooo!”