Kirk was in despair.

  Aimlessly flipping through a standard alchemy text, he considered his prospects. He wanted to be like his mother and his sisters, but his pns so far had failed. Now, he was left to use his inadequate knowledge of alchemy and magic to do something that seemed entirely theoretical. So far as he could tell, the idea of magical or alchemical changes to a person's gender were completely unexplored in the empire. Any texts containing such information that did exist were obscure enough that his best bet would be to enroll in the imperial university and check its libraries. If those results were inadequate, he'd have to spend time studying medicine, anatomy, and physiology to try and create the effect he wanted.

  It could be years.

  He ran his fingers over the fuzz on his jaw. Feeling the light hairs that would doubtlessly darken like his father's and brothers’. Taking a razor to it wasn't enough - couldn't be enough - he wanted it gone. But it could only get worse.

  If only his pn had worked! It had been fairly simple, and somewhat rash, but he thought he could at least get his father on board before his mother nixed the idea. It was a family secret that Marc had summoned a demon to help Verea and Matilda conceive a child together. They had bargained with the abyssal thing for a key ingredient and the recipe for a potion that allowed Edward to be born. Kirk figured the same demon could produce a recipe that would turn him into the woman he wanted to be.

  Instead, Kirk's father, ‘Marchosias the Abyss Speaker’, had no interest in summoning another demon in his lifetime. He wouldn’t even give Kirk the recipe from the st summoning! Apparently it's ‘not something you could work from.’ Anything to start with would have been better than nothing!

  Kirk felt trapped.

  He sighed and carefully pced the bookmark ribbon between the pages. The text would be there ter. At the moment, he just wanted to waste some energy, so he headed for the training yards. Maybe Al or David could help Kirk temper his frustrations.

  As usual, Kirk's stepfather and half brother were training with their family's retainers. David was giving pointers to his son and the others around them, at least when he wasn't effortlessly winning spars against two or more warriors. Alvin was unsurprisingly winning most of his own one-on-one sparring matches, though he still had yet to reach his father's prowess. Noticing Kirk getting geared up on the sidelines, Al came to greet his youngest sibling once he was finished with a spar.

  “Kyrike, you've come again! I once figured you were the least martial of us after Ana, but you may be beating Leo already!”

  Alvin was a cheerful man of twenty four, with strong shoulders and cheek bones, sunkissed skin, and blonde hair. He took after his father in both kind demeanor and good company. Kirk gave his approaching brother a wan smile, “Leowin has no reason to improve. His retinue is plenty and he has no pns to rush into battle. Besides, I just feel the need to exert myself.”

  Alvin chuckled as he sat down next to Kirk on a bench, resting his broad training saber on his p while watching David take on three men, “Don't sell yourself short, bro! You've put the work into a good weapon and you put up a good fight! Honestly, you and Leo should spar sometime.”

  Tightening his padding, and swallowing a hint of bitterness, Kirk retorted, “I guess we can do so the next time you and Hilda spar.”

  Alvin grimaced, “Hilda cheats.”

  That got a ugh from the younger boy, “Because she uses magic?”

  Having made quick work of the three fighters, David began to approach them as Al spoke, “Not just because of the magic. She uses it in ways that are… rude.”

  “Really?” Kirk asked with amusement.

  “Yes,” David replied for Alvin, “Have you ever tripped over a rock you didn’t see, Kyrike? Or stepped on ice that was slicker than you thought?”

  “She casts spells that do that?”

  “And more. She’s a remarkably fast nonverbal caster. I’d prefer my own daughter put more work into her swordpy but it’s hard to argue with her results.”

  Kirk gave him a look, “Would you ever be satisfied with her swordpy?”

  The sword saint smiled at his youngest stepchild, “Not until she beats me herself. Come, Kyrike! Grab your halberd and sword. I want to see how you’re progressing.”

  David’s personal tutege was almost enough to make Kirk regret his choice of activity for the morning. He warmed up with forms and basic exercises before the swordsman personally showed the boy several ways that a straight sword combatant like himself would deal with a polearm. Then, he broke out a wooden oar of all things to show Kirk just how much the reach mattered, nding several stiff whacks before handing the oar over for Alvin to do the same.

  By midafternoon, Kirk was a little bruised and thoroughly tired out, which was exactly what he had wanted. The exhaustion took the edge off of his dismay. Both fight and fatigue provided ample distraction from his stymied desire, and Kirk didn't even notice his fading worries.

  As they finished up, a servant came and called them to meet with Verea. Upon their arrival to her office, they found Marc and Simon had also been called for the meeting. The duchess was sitting behind her rge desk, with spectacles donned, scrutinizing a letter held in her left hand and writing something with the other. Given her apparent concentration, none spoke louder than a murmur until she looked up from the stationery and smiled at her present family.

  “Thank you all for coming on quick notice. I've received a couple letters with news that I thought you all might like to hear.”

  “Oh great,” Simon griped, “what is it now, dear?”

  “It's not bad news, Si. For one, your daughter's tour of duty is ending early. Cecilia will return nearly a month before she was scheduled to.”

  The wiry man's brow wrinkled, “Who ordered that?”

  “She decided for herself.” Verea gestured at another paper on her desk, “She said here that Cape Impa has been completely patrolled, and the Ghesi are even avoiding the region. So she’s coming home. She doesn’t even think it’ll stop her inevitable promotion to rear admiral.”

  The duchess smirked at her daughter's antics as Simon sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose, muttering, “How that girl takes after you so much remains a mystery to me.”

  “In a simir vein,” Verea continued, pushing forward the letter in her hand along with what she had been writing, “Hilda has also announced her own imminent return, though the circumstances are… interesting, and part of it is encoded. Marc, Simon? could one of you check my work?”

  Kirk’s father stepped forward to check the decryption, seeming shocked by the contents of the message as he read, “This is correct, but it seems… uncharacteristic of her.”

  Intrigued, David spoke up, “What’d she do?”

  “Hilda has returned safely from a surprising expedition to Dé Cyon. The serpent was ‘no longer an issue’, and the Ademhill cn will be taking the city since nothing is there to stop them. She says she is returning swiftly with her personal companions, as well as the goblin queen and a ‘very powerful friend’. Few details are given on the mysterious guest, other than that they may need asylum. The girl seems convinced that these people will be important allies.”

  “The serpent is gone?” Alvin surmised.

  “Apparently. Hilda said the details are best expined in person.”

  “That… is uncharacteristic,” David said, “Hilda would certainly rather continue sying monsters than come back home so quickly. She’s only been down there for a few months!”

  “It does sound important,” Kirk interjected.

  “Yes, Kyrike, but Hilda would never take initiative on something ostensibly political like this. Her interactions with Ademhill have been rgely orchestrated at Ana's direction. Perhaps it has to do with her mysterious friend?”

  “Maybe,” Verea sighed, “I guess we’ll at least get to meet her girlfriends.”

  David crowed, “Hah, I honestly wouldn’t have expected her to be the first to cross that line, either. The girls always find ways to surprise us.”

  Verea huffed, “Cecelia does whatever she pleases. Ana perplexes me with her uncanny pns. Hilda seemed to take after Celia in a more measured and focused fashion, but now? I’m not so sure.”

  The comment left pangs in Kirk’s heart. His sisters. His mother. Even his stepmother. All of the DuSonde women felt rger than life to him, despite familial bonds. He desperately wished he could be like them. The conversation continued with lighter banter as he withdrew into himself. It hurt most at times like this, when he felt as if he lived outside of the rich tapestry of his family. He barely paid attention to the rest of the meeting until he was startled by Marc’s hand on his shoulder.

  “Are you okay, Kirk?”

  Kirk felt as if he had tunnel vision as he looked his father in the eyes and quietly hiccuped, “...no.”

  It felt even worse as Marc's expression became more worried. He shouldn't have shared his actual feelings. Talking about his depression only increased his burden upon the family.

  “Is it the potion?” Kirk couldn't say it, so he dizzily averted his eyes until Marc suddenly pulled him up into a hug. “I understand. When you want something… like that, it's devastating when you have no set path…” Marc sighed, “Many men would certainly jump at the chance to drink such a concoction. I can't give you the demon’s recipe, Kirk, but I'm willing to help you create your own solution.”

  He didn’t want to believe it was possible. The hope that they might find a way together seemed like a false promise, but Kirk couldn’t help feeling it. Marchosias’ wasn’t considered the greatest practitioner of magic in the empire, but his renown had been earned over a lifetime. The man who notoriously summoned a demon, and lived to tell of it - and very few were privy to the reality that Marc had done so twice. A handful of nobles were still superstitious about crossing the kind mage.

  As Kirk calmed down and came back to reality, he realized that everyone but Verea and Marc had left the office. How disconnected had he let himself become? When he saw his mother’s pained expression, he briefly considered running back to his own room. She would follow, though, and he had no hope of outrunning the duchess.

  “Kirk,” Verea exhaled, “I understand if you are still unhappy with us, but it does pain me to see you like this. I’m limited in many ways by my position, but I want to help in any way that I can, son. Just ask, and I will tell you if it is beyond my power.”

  There was nothing that Kirk felt he could ask of his mother. He just wanted to retire to his bed. The gravid silence sted for more seconds than it had any right to, as he stared a hole into the floor.

  Eventually, Verea picked up a sealed letter on her desk to hold out for him, “This is for you. I never thought you and Hilda were close, but whatever she tells you in confidence shouldn’t be my business. I hope to see you at dinner, son.”

  At least a little intrigued, Kirk took the letter and murmured thanks to his parents for their attempts at support. The boy couldn’t help but continue his ruminations as he briskly returned to the privacy of his room. He almost forgot the letter upon arrival as he scowled at the alchemy text that still taunted him. Sitting down, he opened up his half-sister’s message and began to read.

  Kirk,

  I imagine you have been told by mom that I am returning to Sondegürd with the queen of Ademhill. I have many reasons for doing so, but I want you to know one which I consider important.

  In her most recent correspondence to me, mom told me of your failed attempt at convincing Marc to help you summon a demon, as well as why you wanted to do so. It may not function in the way you would expect or even hope, but Queen Zerel already produces the potion you are seeking. Ademhill has both women who were born as boys, and men who were born as girls. I am currently ensuring that the potion as well as its recipe find their way to our estate, one way or another.

  I hope that this information finds you well and can provide a light for you in this difficult time. I leave it for you to decide who to tell this news to.

  Your sister,

  Hilda

  SpoilerNEWS:

  AnnouncementThank you for reading Isekai Trans Panic. Chapter 21 is already avaible on my Patreon, as well as the next chapter of Synaptic Eclipse, which will be avaible on ScribbleHub on the 12th of January. I hope you are having a nice 2026, and I look forward to another year of sharing my fiction with all of you.

  -ViolentR

  [colpse]