“Gavin.”

  “Yeah Sam?”

  “Why do we even need this money?”

  They had split into two teams early the next morning to surveil the diamond broker. Judy and Val were outside on a nearby rooftop, monitoring the area from above while Gavin and Sam snuck into the building under a disguise he'd laid over them both, masking their faces with one's he'd pulled from stock images on the internet.

  They were currently in Theodore Bartholomew's office. He'd stepped out for his morning break leaving Gavin free to peruse his computer.

  “Well, first off, before we leave this planet I plan on completely loading up my inventory with anything we can carry, and stealing would be a pain in the ass.”

  “And also wrong.” Sam said.

  “Well, yeah, I guess. I don't think it's like, that wrong to steal from mega corporations, but sure, stealing is bad mmkay.”

  “Why else?”

  “Well, we're probably gonna want to go to England. We don't have passports, you guys don't even exist as far as any government on the planet is concerned. Getting there is going to be very tricky.”

  “What do you mean tricky? We can't just buy our way there on those aeroplanes you pointed out?”

  “Not a chance, travel here is a lot more regulated, you can't go to other countries without the right documents, and to get those documents you need to be a citizen of a country.”

  “Oh.”

  “So yeah, we need a slush fund for bribes and buying cool shit online.”

  “Will you give your parents any of it when you leave?”

  “Mum maybe, but I think giving them money would do more harm than good, the more I give them the more trouble they'll bring down on themselves.”

  ‘He's coming back’ Judy said through their telepathic link.

  “Time to get out of here then, we have what we need.”

  ***

  “Mister Bartholomew, it's been good doing business with you.” Gavin said, sliding the signed receipt across the meeting room table.

  “It's been a pleasure.” he replied, taking the sheet of paper and handing it to an aide who disappeared with it through the closed door.

  “Well, I guess I'll be taking this then” Gavin said, pulling a hardshell case across the table towards him

  “I guess you will.” Theo said.

  “Oh, one thing” Gavin said, flipping the lid to inspect the contents “Who is Dean Fieldham, and why did he want you to put this in here?”

  Gavin produced a small folding knife and made an incision into the dense plastic as if it were no more substantial than parchment, he used the tip to lever a small electronic device from between the two skins then slid the contraption across the table to Theo who had gone white as a sheet.

  “I don't-”

  “Look, mate, I'm not mad, I knew it was in there before I came in here, and I know you knew it was there. I just want to know who Dean is and why he's interested in this deal?” Gavin leaned forward, exerting some of his magical presence on the man.

  Gavin had on several occasions felt like Sam's mum was a dangerous predator, he’d spent a little time trying to mimic that feeling. It was something that was very doable, especially at higher levels, and at the extreme end of that continuum lay Geoff the Goat who could undo small amounts of reality with his willpower.

  “He's an investigator with the serious fraud office.”

  “Huh? Do they think there's some sort of fraud going on here?”

  “I don't know, they just asked me to do it, and I did.”

  “Okay, that's fair, I'm not gonna hold it against you.” Gavin said, closing the case and standing. “send my regards to Dean, you can give him my number if he wants to chat.”

  He shook Theodores hand again and left. He turned right as he exited the building and entered a nearby clothing store, strode directly to the changing room, closed the door, and teleported to where his team was waiting.

  “So, we're done?” Val asked, disinterestedly.

  “Yeah, strange thing though, the government’s investigating me for fraud.”

  “It was the government?” Judy said, surprised.

  “Yeah, serious fraud office. I wonder if they think I've scammed someone?”

  “You literally just did, you sold a rock you made in your workshop out of a bag of coal for more money than most people would see in their lifetimes.” Sam said.

  “Okay, that's fair” Gavin said acknowledging the point, “well, should we get lunch then head up north again? I know this awesome burger place just round the corner.”

  “Lead the way.” Judy said.

  It was mid afternoon when Gavins' portal rose from the ground just off the path at the top of the mountain. The three piled out and walked to the benches near the look out to eat their lunch. Judy doled out their food from her own inventory and they set into them, savouring the earthly delight.

  “I think youre right Gavin.” Sam said through a mouthful of food.

  “Hmm?” Gavin grunted as he chewed his own.

  “With food like this I can see why a lot of the people here would eat to excess.”

  “Tell me about it, I was skinny as a rake until I got a job that paid me well enough to eat what I wanted.”

  “He was a bit chunky when we first met.” Sam said to the agreeing nods of the other two women.

  “Rude.” Gavin protested through a mouthful of custard pie.

  “Did you notice how he chose all his powers to allow him to be as lazy as possible?” Val said after a moment when Gavin felt comfortable the topic had ended.

  “Hey!”

  “No, that's a good point. He's got those enchanting powers as an excuse not to pull his weight in combat, his force of will so he doesn't even need to walk to get things, bubble shield so he doesn't have to bother parrying of dodging attacks.”

  “And one of his powers is just to copy someone else's power.” Judy said with mock disgust.

  “You guys suck. I'm going home and doing some enchanting so I don't have to- one moment” Gavin said, taking his buzzing phone out of his pocket, an unknown number lit up the screen.

  “Yo?” Gavin said, pressing the button

  “Yo? Yo? For fucks sakes Gavin what the fuck have you been doing with yourself?”

  Gavin winced, taking several steps over to the large pillar in the centre of the lookout area.

  “Hey Cee.” he said placatingly, “guess mum gave you my number?”

  “She did, I heard what you did to dad. Drop off the face of the planet for a year and you come back and get into a fight? You always were-”

  Gavin ended the call, putting his phone back in his pocket and taking a moment to calm himself. His phone buzzed again and he answered it after a moment to consider whether he could be bothered dealing with it now or having to clean up the mess later.

  “Look, Charlise, I'm not gonna listen to you rant at me, if you've got something useful to say then-”

  Gavin's head exploded in pain. Stars swam before his eyes as he stumbled to the ground. His phone clattered to the ground, forgotten as he teleported off to the side behind a thick tree. His companions leapt over the railing and took cover behind the lookout.

  Gavin took a moment to check himself over. He felt at the wound above his right brow, finding a chunk of compressed lead piercing his skin. He plucked it out and examined it.

  [Item: 7.62x51mm Nato (ruined)]

  [Type: Mundane]

  [Description: Standard issue round for DMR and bolt action rifles]

  Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

  [Effect: One use item, detonates chemical explosive to propel bullet towards the target]

  “Huh. We're getting shot at” Gavin said, contemplating the ramifications in an instant.

  "Getting shot at by who?” Sam asked from cover.

  “Don't know, I want to find out though” he said, equipping his armour and taking his own rifle from his inventory.

  The draining effect of earth's desolate magical atmosphere wasn't limited to just draining magic from their bodies, their items also bled off their energy at an even faster rate. Teleporting to pick up the sword from its spot on the ground he used it to empower the team, streams of energy radiating off all of them as mana bled from their armour.

  The team emerged from behind cover, confident that Gavins armour could protect them from any mundane weapon.

  Judy scanned the area for signs of movement, she’d been completely at ease, not expecting any sort of danger and let her guard down as had the rest of the team.

  Gavin floated his phone back to his hand as he formed up beside the other knights and spoke into it.

  “Sorry, not a good time, some prick just shot me.” Gavin said, hanging up the phone and putting it away in his inventory.

  A hail of bullets pummeled them, blasting off chunks of light from the mana shields on their armour. They stood there, unphased as the mundane bullets failed to so much as annoy them. Six figures holding automatic rifles advanced on them, throwing fragmentation and flashbang grenades, Gavin forced them back into the air to detonate harmlessly in the sky.

  “Guys.” Gavin called over the hurricane of noise, “guys, come on, this isn't going to work.”

  Soon the shooting petered out with a few lingering cracks from the trees. To punctuate how out of their depth the soldiers were, Gavin shouldered his rifle, sighted up a particularly hearty totora tree and shot, the trunk splintering into a mist of radiant energy. He stashed the rifle again, but kept the sword in hand, pointed down at the dirt.

  “I don't know about you lot, but I think talking might be the best idea, yeah?”

  “I say we kill them.” Sam said, taking an aggressive stance next to Gavin and summoning her awakened tree form.

  “I agree.” Val said, her four swords at the ready.

  “Not a chance, it will only make our lives a lot more tedious.” Gavin said turning back to the soldiers he added, “who’s the fuckwit in charge here?”

  “I am.” A man dressed in green fatigues and mottled facepaint called, standing out from behind cover “my name is Harding.”

  “I would say it's nice to meet you, but you kinda leave a shitty first impression. Anyway, I'm Gavin, that is Sam, Judy and Val. You got a rank on you there mate?”

  “No.”

  “Ooh, how clandestine.” Gavin cooed eyebrows raised, “any particular reason you decided to try kill us?”

  “Why'd you think?”

  “Right. Well, I dont know about you, but I-” Gavin said, trailing off as he looked abruptly over to his left directly into the centre of the mountain, “you probably want to tell whoevers breaking into our house to knock it off too, fuck you guys are rude.”

  “Emmerson, give me your radio.” Harding said, holding out a steady hand.

  A tall athletic soldier broke cover, fumbling for a handheld radio and handed it to his commanding officer. Gavin could feel the nervous energy radiating off him and his team. He took a chair from his inventory and sat on it, floating three more out to his side for his team to sit on too, and another half dozen for the enemy soldiers to sit on.

  “Come on guys, you may as well come sit down, we're not gonna bite.”

  Harding tentatively strode forward, taking a seat in the bush opposite Gavin facing him with stoic determination, he waved for his men to stay back.

  “Bro, we're not gonna hurt you.”

  “You have a New Zealand accent.” Harding said, surprised.

  “No shit Sherlock, I'm a kiwi, grew up down the line.”

  “You were? How do you have-?”

  “Magic powers? long story, I'm-”

  The radio crackled in Harding's hand, interrupting the conversation.

  “Yes, major?” Came a tinny voice through the speaker.

  Harding pressed it to his ear and spoke calmly “the target survived, we are having a dialogue, appears to be friendly, I think he's one of ours, says his name is Gavin.”

  “Gavin Pēne.” Gavin said casually as he took a bite from a potato top pie.

  “Gavin Pene.” Harding confirmed.

  “One moment.” the radio said with a burst of static and silence for a minute before cracking to life again “bring him in.”

  “Ooh, sorry mate, not super interested in cooperating after you lot just tried to kill me and break into my house. You also can't force me to go.”

  “Target is uncooperative.” Harding said into the radio.

  “Chuck us the radio mate, this will go way more smoothly if we aren't playing Chinese whispers.”

  Harding shrugged and threw the brick of plastic over to him. Gavin caught it with a nudge of will and floated it into his hand and flashed a grin at the soldier shifting uncomfortably at the magical display.

  “Yo, this is Gavin.” Gavin said, standing to wander around the platform as he talked.

  “It would be in your best interest if you came in for a conversation.” Said a firm crackly voice.

  “Look, mate, this is how I see this going down. I'm not going in, I have no interest in swapping stories especially after you lot tried to execute me. I figure that you figure out who my parents are in the next few minutes and try to use them as leverage, when that doesn't work you track down some of my friends and use them. I say no, you'd hold them hostage, then my team and I come down on you like a ton of bricks, and in the end I get my friends back and you get nothing. I won't be subtle about it, and I might even go to the media. I hear there's some bloke who is willing to pay out a million bucks for proof magic is real, I bet I can make your life very uncomfortable.”

  There was a long pause as Gavin ended his speech, coming to sit back in his seat.

  “You have an alternative proposal?”

  “Yeah, actually. You leave me and my friends alone and I won't go out of my way to fuck your life up.”

  “Will you at least tell us what you're doing out here?”

  “Taking the one ring to mount Doom.”

  “That's- nevermind.”

  “Look, how about you get someone to put a business card on my doorstep when you lot clear out, if I have time I'll flick you an email or two as a gesture of goodwill.”

  “I'd really rather an in person dialogue.”

  “You don't get an in person dialogue. You get what I decide because your team just tried to kill me. I'm willing to put that aside because I've tried the whole killing people thing and I'm not super keen on it, but don't think for a second that I trust you not to fuck us over the second you think you have an angle.”

  “Then that is a compromise I will have to live with.”

  “Awesome. I'll hand you off to old mate again, we've got places to be.”

  Gavin stood, stashing his team's chairs in his inventory, tossed the radio back to Harding and portalled away leaving the bewildered soldiers alone in the public lookout with the chairs Gavin had provided for them. Without wasting time the soldiers each began to shoulder their new furniture back to their unimog down the hill.