The Legend of the Tiger (I like the name Tiger, a nice strong name) started in the year 20XX, the year I was born. Now we might have to skip a couple years because even a legend like me struggles when they’re one or two years old. At that time I hadn’t even learned to swear. But you know, the most important thing is that I had a Mama and a Papa and an older sister and they all fucking loved me.

  (That’s great Tiger! I was wondering more if you could tell us about before you were kidn—)

  Shut up! I’m the main character in this story. So I had a mother, a father, an older sister and they all fucking loved me. We lived in this apartment building in the east with a doorman and gym and a swimming pool and okay the swimming pool could only fit one person maybe two people if they were all moshed up, and the doorman couldn’t really speak, but these were all lifestyle choices. We were rich.

  When I was a kid I was at home a lot. I don’t know why. I’m not weak, I don’t get sick. I just needed some time to build strength, to level up. That’s all it was. But I got to spend a lot of time with my family so it was all good. Tigers hunt in packs after all!

  (They don’t.)

  My Mama, she worked as a receptionist in some company. And my sister, she worked bagging groceries. But my Papa, he was an ‘investor.’

  You know, he made money. He told me a lot, looking at the paper, that this company would go up tomorrow. And it would go up. Or that this company would go down. And it’d go down. He’d talk and talk and talk and he’d never make a bad investment. Never ever ever ever. Sometimes he could talk too much. Sometimes he could be angry. But I loved him.

  (Lily, is taking notes really going to be that helpful?)

  (Yuri, I’m listening to the story)

  But, one day he invested too much. It was an incredible company. They give you—how much? A metric fuck ton of money every month. Every month. You just couldn’t sell it for a year, but after that year we’d be SET, spell it out fully, S-E-T! We were already rich, but we’d be super rich. The kind of rich where I’d pay you to rub my feet, no, one person for each toe. That kind of stinkin rich!

  It was some kind of medicine company. And um, it was a great opportunity for the family. The whole family. My Mama and my sister, they were mad. Really mad. But he used all the money, for this great opportunity. An article in the paper talked about it, it had a great website, his research was great. And Papa, if they got mad, he could get more mad.

  Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

  And the company. What happened to the company was…

  (Tiger? Are you okay?)

  It did well. At first it did really really well. But then the stock went down. Well, it wasn’t a stock, it was like—a bond? a coin? Whatever it was. And then it closed. Boom. The exec fucked us.

  And then the apartment, it was gone. I mean, we were still rich. Probably richer than before. Papa and Mama, they each had their own apartment now. And I got to go between them. I mostly lived with Mama. But Papa got a lawyer and said, that, you know, we’ll take on that fucking company and all of us together would buy a great big mansion for all of us together one day.

  Those next years weren’t fun. But Papa won! Papa won the case. But the company was bankrupt, and we got fucked again.

  We were rich. Absolutely. But it was hard, hard for Mama and Papa to buy a lot of things. I mean, it was a lifestyle choice. Of course it was. Like how they lived separately too. So, I just started taking things. And taking, and taking, and taking. It turns out, when you take things most people don’t get caught.

  So I told myself I’d never let me, and my family get fucked with ever again. You have to fight. That’s the lesson, that’s what you can learn from the Tiger’s tale.

  ***

  “Drill that through your twintails. Write that down, write that down, ‘don’t ever let yourself get fucked,” the Tiger finishes.

  Lily’s pencil scritches, halts—and she frowns, erasing her final line. When she’s done, she tucks her pencil neatly behind a petite ear, and The Tiger herself fiddles with her own silver earring… Is that genuine jewelry?

  “I’m sorry that happened to you.” Lily says.

  “Sorry? Sorry? Did I say something you should apologize for?” The Tiger straightens, and her eyes flash, and fade, and flash again. It was as though her gaze had traveled back to the past and returned to the present in a flicker of light. “I was just fucking with you the whole time.”

  Lily blinks.

  “I can’t believe you fell for it! We all live together at some randomass nice mansion. And I go to St. Lucia’s Girl’s Academy… bet you didn’t think this Tiger had such an academonic mind, did you? Hahaha…”

  “Then that wasn’t helpful! Geez. Do you remember anything from when you were kidnapped?”

  “Nah! Not telling.” The Tiger blinks quickly and scratches her head. She then stretches—sighs—and glances at the threshold of the room we were just passing, the kitchen. The Pig’s there, picking at some mint chip ice cream she must have taken from the fridge.

  Her smirk returns.

  “Finally, some real recreation!”

  She swaggers away before we say another word, and moments later there’s a loud, enormous bang.