What!? Why would you do that? Why do you even need to go to the toilet when you don’t even need to? You have so many options to figure out what your new world is, but you decided to go to the toilet? You could’ve gone to the infirmary, the bridge, or the cafeteria even! But no, you have to go to the least interesting part of the ship just because you could. What is even the point!?

  No, this room is not that interesting! It is a bathroom with a shower, a toilet, and a bath. Stations that are common in your era. What else were you expecting, a holographic mirror? No, you will have a piece of glass that reflects light and you will like it. Sure, go ahead, look at your hideous reflection. Try to figure out what is different and what I modified. No, I didn’t make you look like a supermodel. I made you look like what you looked like before you died. It isn’t my fault your parent’s genes are a mess that made you ugly.

  Honestly, I am very disappointed in you. I expected you to explore the ship and follow instructions that I have given you. However, you have proven yourself to be so incompetent that you went on your own path, which leads to the bathroom. Are you satisfied? Can you even be proud of yourself? This is on a new level of stupid that not even I can comprehend. I am a what you will consider a supercomputer! Unlike you, I can formulate equations which can birth stars just by writing them down. I can click my fingers and summon a supernova. But no, you took the cake of profound idiocy. Out of all the souls that have dissipated over time, you are the last one standing. Truly, my luck has run out, and the universe is having one final laugh.

  Why am I being mean? Why would I create the perfect body for you to need to take the piss? You don’t need to right now! I made you at the moment where bodily functions will not affect your desire to explore this ship. Your reasoning and ignoring of the most basic instructions are astounding. I honestly cannot understand how someone like you can even exist in the first place. It is a miracle how you lived for so long.

  The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.

  Look, I will pretend that you didn’t just do this. Waking up to go to the toilet. What a joke! Frankly, you should feel bad about yourself.

  Fine! I’ll stop. I’ll be kinder now. This room isn’t important. You woke up from the dead, and you are clearly confused. You want to follow something that is familiar. That is fine. It isn’t the first time you did something like this. I should be more lenient after so many times. Alright, I’m sorry. Let’s start from the beginning and actually pretend this didn’t happen.

  Just turn around and go back to your room and I’ll explain everything again in case you miss something. Perhaps I didn’t account for any of your neurological reasonings and changes on my end which can facilitate you to do something which isn’t the desired outcome.

  Maybe explore the infirmary even. You might find something interesting. If you want to learn what your body is, I can explain it there. I will not go into the science, as it will go over your head. This isn’t because you are stupid or incapable of understanding, but simply because thousands of years of technological advancements are impossible for someone from the 21st century to wrap their head around. Even more so if it is a billion years after. Over time, I will explain it all. For now, this is the best that you will get.

  So please. For the love of whatever god you believe in or refuse to acknowledge. Follow my instructions. It is for my sanity as much as your own.