Hi, I’m Gizzy.

  This is not a book. This is a disclaimer. Don’t even think about skipping it. I warned you.

  You want books? We have lots of them, go read one. They’re still free. If you’ve read a bunch and found your way here intentionally then let me explain what this is.

  THIS… is a shitshow. A lack of fucks given, yolo style blog-type train-wreck dumpster-fire of rare unedited and barely proofread garbage content, brought to you by the 2 retired writers that worked their asses off for real content nobody seemed to care much about.

  Why? You surely ask.

  Because mental health is important, being a writer is toxic as shit, AI is taking over anyway and stress kills faster than my nerve damage. I’ve spent over 25 years generating (no joke), 41 books, numerous that were never published, unpublished or banned for stupid reasons (one reason being a charcoal sketch of an alien nipple, fuck you Wattpad Moderators, you know who you are. Suck my big blue radioactive ass.) and about 30 of those that are just floating out there on Wattpad or here or wherever I left them to grow or die. Being an author means also being your own social media expert, PR team, fucking editor, proofreader, marketing department and official algorithm ass-kisser just to hope in the sea of garbage and AI someone will read your book. It’s taken its toll on my sanity and my wife's sanity, who now carries my ass through the writing process, and has also experienced the same strain.

  We are 2 disabled autistic socially rejected bitches with literally zero budget, doing fully free books and losing money, turning down offers to sell-out (for probably dozens of dollars), just to keep free content up for broke-ass people in need of escapism from depression and mental issues themselves. I am legally blind after diminishing health problems forced me to learn how to even function again, and my wife spends her day sifting through the word salad of her blind brain-fogged partner, as I basically type on muscle memory and leave 150 typos per page or more for her to try and piece into “content”, only to then get nitpicked, grammar Nazi’d and underappreciated by people who have no disabilities and can’t write one book half as good as our crap. Sorry if you’re one of the happy readers who left a fair review, I'm not bashing you, I'm bashing THAT Chodeweasel *Aggressively points beside you as obvious chodeweasel*

  I write with no text to speech program, folks. Muscle memory. Close your eyes and type a book by feel, see how that goes. 4 foot wide computer screen, 110 font, it hurts to read this. That, kids, is called Hell, and it’s where writers go who believe in hope. There’s not even beer or cookies, that was just a lie.

  But, sadly, everything we have is in writing. All our hobbies and work revolves around this addiction to a dead-ended dream of making a difference to strangers who don’t care, so if we stop writing we have nothing else to do. Boredom leads to suicide, and nobody is writing our escapism for us. So this is our solution. THIS is not a novel. This is 2 mentally ill people who stopped caring what the fans think and don’t give a damn if we impress readers or get readers at all on this shit. This is OUR retirement, for our MCs to create a never-ending vacation shitpost draft of an idea, a world we can escape to for ourselves.

  There’s no rules, the grammar will be bad, we are not advertising, comments are turned off, if you MUST say something positive, DMs are open, unless you say something shitty and get blocked. We don’t want your critique, your nitpicking or your advice on how to revise this into a slightly better form of trainwreck, for your enjoyment.

  Enjoying the story? Show your support by reading it on the official site.

  Welcome to the suck. It’s a story about 2 cartoon villainous bitches leaving the old plot cannon to fuck around in space. We do what we want here. Answer to no trope rules or guidelines except what would ban us from the platform. If I wanna rant about the ships weaponry for 3 pages in details nobody ever wanted to know, and throw in detailed pics, I’m gonna. If the wife wants to shove in a random gay love scene, nobody’s stopping her. It may get romantic, it may get boring, it definitely will be stupid, badly written and we will not apologize, and the penis jokes are equally our doing. This is 2 badly damaged autistic minds desperately trying to not give up on life every day, pouring insanity and nonsense into a place someone can read it if you have zero regard for your own safety and sanity and for some reason made it through like 5-12 books and wanted more punishment.

  This has no ending, no predicted outline, the plot may change, we may fuck with time travel, it may all be a dream after the fact and none of it mattered from chapter 12-36 and then chapter 37 is a cooking show joke nobody but the two of us will get. We may delete entire chapters and give no warning. We may just pretend events didn’t happen. It won’t ever be finished or polished. It may go on for years or weeks, we don’t know. We may just delete the whole thing.

  So if you liked Medusa’s list but thought god I wish it was just Vicki and Gizzy dicking around in space like lawless villains, stroking their own psychotic ego while making it funny for them and screw the readers…then good luck because you found the secret decoder ring nobody wanted in the bottom of the moldy cereal box that someone forgot on the shelf for a year. Enjoy…or don’t. Comments will be disabled anyway. We will block negative DMs without warning or second chances, and then we’ll make you a joke character in the next chapter and you’ll probably get eaten by ass-burrowing ants or something humiliating. Fuck around and find out. For our own health and survival, we don’t care anymore. All our fucks have been given, polished, refined, presented, released as finished novels, mostly underappreciated and skipped over, buried under adbots and half-assed Harry Potter fanfic smut. (Some of which my wife may have written long ago).

  This is the opposite of fanservice, the opposite of a final draft, the story nobody wanted and most people won’t even find. This is Hunt3r, a story about an alternate sequel to Ye-Olde Delmar and Medusa, that doesn’t really count, about Me…your friendly neighborhood sadomasochistic overlord alien who’s done carry her own book series, and the side character who none of you knew was the wife this whole time, Vicki, a cancerous cursed vampiric bug-human hybrid probably cursed to become a chaos god again, who decided to stop pretending she belonged with the human gang on Delmar, so they got a shitload of plot cheats and guns and decided to go kill shit and we don’t know what else yet because we only wrote 7 pages when this disclaimer came out. Hell, we recycled the damn book cover from a book we canceled. Minimum effort! Fuqyea.

  So strap on your glasses and buckle your asses, this is what happens when writers finally snap and set the rule book on fire because I could be dead next year, I don’t wanna spend the last year slaving and crying through mental breakdowns for another book series 12 people will read and one person will call surprisingly descent, if you ignore the grammar and the plot holes that only exist because they didn’t read the stupid intro chapter, ya dumbass. IT’S EXPLAINED IN THE INTRO!!

  YOU SKIPPED THE INTRO!

  YOU DID THIS TO YOU!!

  GOD I hate humans!

  Maybe at some point we'll find Earth and just kill all humans. Maybe royalty-free “Totally NOT” Bender Rodriguez will help. Insert Trash Compactor bot "Flex Diego", who’s ass is only 40 percent shiny metal plagiarism. Who knows what we'll do? Like the nightmarish proverbial tootsie pop of existential irony…

  The world may never know.

  If you didn’t get that joke, you’re not old enough to read this anyway. Go play fortnight and Skibbidy watch some blues clues you fucking tadpole. For the 0 to 2 adults still…masochistically reading, for some demigod-forsaken reason. Let’s begin.

  Probably get drunk or high before reading this. It’s gotta be funnier that way. And for legal reasons, that was a joke too.