When a hand gripped Llew’s shoulder, she awoke with a start. She had her back to the bedroom doorway, facing Jonas. Or would have been, had he still been in the bed. A moment of panic took her, but she limited her reaction to one shallow intake of breath.
She turned her head to find Sam leaning over her. His apologetic grimace that seemed more tense than necessary didn’t fill her with confidence. Her breathing remained shallow while she listened for things to worry about.
“Jonas is fine. Well—” Sam shrugged. “He’s a bit flat. Needs your blood.” That grimace returned.
Llew hadn’t had enough sleep. Her head felt groggy. Didn’t matter. She clambered off the bed, glanced at the still wet and muddy trousers and shirt she’d abandoned on the floor and headed outside in her shift.
Jonas hadn’t bothered to fit his prosthetic, and had the lower half of his trouser leg tied up the back of his thigh with a leather thong. He looked exhausted, his shoulders hunched, his eyelids drooping. Llew raised her eyebrows at Sam.
“We wanted to let you sleep as long as possible.”
A fair balance, perhaps. Jonas was alive, and she felt better for the sleep. Still, she hated to see him so drained of energy. He was barely making it through the night now. Neither of them could afford a full night’s sleep anymore.
She centered herself with a breath, finding her calm.
She sat beside Jonas and presented her arm yet again.
Around them, everyone settled into jobs. Lunch was prepared, animals were checked, laundry hung from a line, and more washed. Even Karlani and Alvaro were each engaged in helpful work. Llew hadn’t dared think she might see such a thing. It seemed healing Karlani had been the right thing to do.
With Jonas so depleted, it took eight syringes of Llew’s blood for him to perk up. They kept going.
Karlani brought lunch to them. Jonas had eaten breakfast, but it hadn’t been enough to halt his decline. Llew’s blood plus lunch saw him brighten. He turned his thin-lipped expression to Llew as Delwynn pulled the plunger on another syringeful and Llew waved him off with her free hand before he could speak.
“Don’t apologize. You know this is as much for me as for you.”
“Thanks.” His lips lifted into a reluctant smiled. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” Llew beamed back at him, something about speaking the words making them all the more real.
Karlani crouched by them to collect their empty plates. “You two are sickly sweet, aren’t you?” She smiled from one to the other, completely guileless. “Truly, though, you deserve it. It’s nice to see.”
Llew could hardly believe what she was hearing.
“I know.” Karlani stood back from them, balancing the plates against one hip. “Last night, you gave me the opportunity to look back on my life and how I ended up here. I spent the last few years believing anyone who told me I was the future, but—” She gestured at a couple of Turhmos soldiers engaged in their tasks. “You’re the one setting new things in motion. Better things. All I was going to do was support the status quo.” She shrugged. “I wasn’t really after a name for myself, just the comfort that came with knowing I’d be looked after. I didn’t come to Quaver to fight for Jonas’s hand. I was told he was a path to the life I wanted. And, heck, it’s nice to feel special while we’re at it, huh? But I never needed special. It was just a carrot I thought I wanted. Anyway, there’s still a chance I can make the life I wanted, or figure out something new. And that’s thanks to you. So … I’m sorry for the parts I’ve played that have spoiled yours. And I hope it’s not much to ask to be able to help you build your new life. Like, uh—” She shifted the plates to her other hip. “That swimming hole is real nice. Maybe I can make sure no one interrupts you while you take a break. But I can be available, if you, you know, need Syakaran strength for help … or anything.” She took a step back, but seemed reluctant to leave just yet.
“Thanks,” Llew responded, imagining Karlani standing guard while she and Jonas bathed together. The thought failed to delight. “We’ll let you know.”
Karlani smiled again, and headed off to the kitchen.
One thing Karlani had right: they did need to bathe. While daily bathing might not have been the norm, Llew had been accustomed to doing so while living on the shores of Big River back in Cheer, and was growing increasingly aware of time passing since she’d given herself a good scrub at Raena’s home. Jonas had only been afforded a damp cloth. While they had relative privacy at the swimming hole over the hill from the homestead, they should use it. Mmm. Even the recollection of sinking into a tub of hot water gave Llew a sense of calm and well-being. She had been lucky enough to experience several warm baths now. Oh. A shudder ran through her. One of them had been at Braph’s house. Damn it. Absent that setting, she still craved the enveloping heat. Being able to have one here at the farm would be luscious. But the homestead was now a hub of people coming and going. There would be no moment of peace found there. The days were mild enough, and growing warmer, that the stream would do just fine. Alvaro and Karlani had enjoyed it well enough.
Llew didn’t want to think about that, either.
Delwynn continued transferring syringefuls of Llew’s blood to Jonas for another couple of hours. Karlani took it upon herself to deliver a plate of scones and a cup of water to each of them as the day’s heat reached its peak around mid-afternoon. Elka and Lyneth returned from the stream clad only in clean cotton chemises, their hair still dripping. Despite Elka’s clear discomfort from walking the uneven ground in her leg brace, she shared a laugh with Lyneth as they both eased themselves to sit on the porch and attacked their sodden locks with dry towels.
Karlani stood near Llew, doing her best be be unobtrusive, but her presence was impossible to ignore.
“Stop, Llew.” Jonas folded her arm, blocking the next needle. “Even if it worked, it wouldn’t last. Each one is givin’ me less improvement. I’ll live till bedtime, I promise.” He waved Karlani around to him. “Help me up.” She did. Jonas turned back to Llew. Using the tree for support with one hand, he offered the other to her. “Let’s go to the stream. A wash and time in the water will do you good.”
Llew accepted his offered hand and stood, taking most of her own weight.
Karlani shifted, squaring up her stance and placing her hands behind her back, like she might be a soldier awaiting instruction.
This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
Llew shook her head at her. “You can be on watch as much as you like, but you can’t be our personal guard. Certainly not while we’re at the stream.”
Karlani blinked several times. “Understood. I will instruct Lyneth and Garnoc to place themselves within earshot should you need assistance, but to otherwise leave you uninterrupted and unobserved. If that is something you would have me do.”
“Sure.” Llew was tired despite sleep and touching an Ajnai tree for several hours. She gratefully let Karlani lift this decision from her shoulders.
Karlani collected the empty plate and cups and dashed back to the homestead, pausing to speak with Lyneth on her way past. Lyneth nodded and gathered her discarded soldier’s garb to wear once more. There was a lot of work yet to be done before everyone at the farm could be both clean and clean-clothed. Had Rowan included new clothing items on his procurement list from Hinden? Llew would have to wait and see.
Garnoc soon arrived carrying a couple of towels, a loofah, a bar of soap, and some clothing from Merrid and Ard’s wardrobe. He shuffled these beneath one arm so he could collect and hand one crutch to Jonas at a time.
Lyneth joined them as they approached the brow of the hill.
“We’ll wait about here.” Garnoc held the towels, soap, and clothing out for Llew to take. “We’ll be sure to keep our attention focused out here.” He waved in every direction except the creek. “Should you need us for anything, just call.”
“Thanks.” Llew accepted the items and guard service.
“Never needed bodyguards before,” Jonas murmured as they navigated the downhill, their pace dictated by his growing but still imperfect proficiency with the crutches.
“Ah. But now you’re my man, you’re extra special.” Llew smiled slyly at him.
“Your man. I suppose I am.” He smiled, though his focus remained on his trajectory. “Never thought about it that way before, even when I was married.” He scowled. “I was always Quaver’s man. Aris’s. Kierra was … I mean, I called her my wife, and I wanted her to be happy with me, but it was always duty to Quaver, you know?” He turned a pained look Llew’s way before returning his attention to their path. “I thought I was a better man than that. By the gods, I’ve right ballsed things up. No wonder Cayden had it in for me. Kierra deserved better.”
Llew didn’t comment. She’d never known Kierra but was ready to believe she had been dealt a poor hand. Born a Syakaran in Quaver, she had no doubt enjoyed many privileges attached to that – as a child, anyway. Quaver would’ve assured she was housed, fed, and had ample opportunity to grow into her potential. As a fully grown woman, however, she had well and truly paid her debt to Quaver. But, while Jonas had certainly had it better, he’d been kept to much the same deal; expected to meet Quaver’s demands, and Aris’s, and to make few of his own. He wasn’t a better man, or worse; just a man living within the bounds of the life he’d been given, as Llew had been when she’d had to steal to survive.
Karlani came to mind. Llew sighed. Waves of anger still bubbled in her belly at the thought of forgiving the Syakaran woman. Even the mildest contemplation of such threw Llew back to the night in the Quaven gaol, held down by Karlani while Aris struck. That pain – not just physical – in the moment one child had died and she became incapable of nurturing the other still reverberated through Llew’s bones if she let herself wallow in it. And pushing it aside left her sick with guilt. Karlani. Llew couldn’t separate the woman from pain, fear, guilt. And yet, like the rest of them, she had been trying to live her life with what she had. Could Llew forgive her? Not today.
Jonas toppled, throwing a crutch aside so he wouldn’t land on it as he tucked his arm in and twisted, cushioning himself. Llew collected the crutch and waited, allowing Jonas time to curse himself out and be ready for a hand up. He lay for a good few moments, teeth gritted against anger and pain.
“Real or phantom?”
“Both.”
Her question didn’t distract him from the pain, but he had to take a breath to respond, which did help. He took a few more, moved to a seated position, found his own strength, then accepted Llew’s help to stand.
“I don’t know if that’ll ever be gone.” Llew waited while he brushed himself off, handing the crutch over when he indicated he was ready. “Rowan and Elka might.”
Jonas didn’t voice a response, only set his determination to make the rest of the journey to the stream. The fact remained, he was likely as healed as he would ever be. Llew’s blood could help with the inflammation from the prosthetic rubbing, but if his scarring still ached, and whatever it was that caused him to feel pain from a body part no longer attached to him remained after their hours beneath the Ajnais, Llew struggled to imagine he might yet find relief, even if his Syakaran powers returned. When. When his Syakaran powers returned.
Approaching the stream brought Llew right back home to the shore of Big River. The sounds and the smells of flowing water, and whatever it was about moving water that seemed to charge the air around it, filled Llew with a calm she found nowhere else.
Sunlight poured between leaves above them, sparkling off the peaks of ripples and dappling the stony stream bed. Llew couldn’t experience the magic of her own blood the way Kara could, but surely this was close. Better? It was her happy place. Even more so with Jonas beside her. For the time being, the rest of the world did not exist.
Jonas still looked serious. Pained? Likely. And she could forgive his expression in that case. Still …
She placed the towels, soap, and clothing onto a dry rock and gripped the hem of her shift as she straightened, raising her arms above her head and letting it fall away from the water. She stepped carefully, her feet no longer used to the shifting stones with an array of smooth, sharp, and oddly rounded surfaces beneath them, coming to stand before Jonas, naked and smiling at him.
It had the desired effect, markedly lightening his mood.
“I’d like to undress you,” she said.
“Okay.” Such a subtle action, but simply straightening his stance and lifting his chin said so much. An invitation. He was hers. Her man. Hers to do with as she pleased.
She stepped in closer to him and unbuttoned his top shirt button, deliberately taking her time to splay that section of shirt breast before moving to the second. It wasn’t about exposing his skin – there was little to see, yet – or touching it – she didn’t – it was about savoring this moment in time, fixing her focus on each step: manipulate the buttonhole to open it a little, fold the material to position the button edge between the over-locked edges, slide it through and guide the two pieces of shirt apart. Think of little else. Perhaps deliver Jonas some pleasure in her deliberate petting of the lightly fluffed cotton, luxuriously soft beneath her palms, allowing a hint of Jonas’s heat to radiate through.
Next button. Pinch, fold, slide, press.
Bold black ink swooped above the neckline of one of Ard’s singlets, the tired white cotton loose on Jonas.
Another button.
Another.