“What’s wrong?” That was the third time Ashley was asking me this, but I was too busy scarfing down chocote ice-cream amidst my tears.

  I had taken refuge in her room, where her roommate had gone out for the night to a party. Ashley had immediately accepted my request to meet up, expressing arm at my tearful babbling over the phone. I couldn’t handle being alone this evening. I needed someone in person to talk to, someone whom I was comfortable with and could trust to not judge me, someone who could offer me the comfort I needed. Ashley was the first person who came to mind.

  One look at me and she had instantly offered up her ice-cream pints that she stored in the shared freezer. We scooped the ice-cream out into two mugs and ate it while watching an old comedy. After I wouldn’t stop tearing up, she set her tissue box right beside me on her bed.

  It took me sitting here, in her comforting presence, to realize there was no way I could tell Ashley what was on my mind. Once I told her, there was no getting the worms back into the can.

  “I kind of just need your company,” I said, pulling out a tissue and blowing my nose. “I feel so horrible. I’m so horrible. I’m the worst.”

  “You are not horrible!” she said, aghast. “You’re one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met. Where is this coming from?”

  Non’s look of devastation fshed across my mind again. He’d been bracing himself, waiting for the day that I finally decided to leave him. My hesitance towards our retionship hadn’t gone unnoticed for even a second. I was foolish for ever thinking that it had, that I’d gotten away with trying to hide our retionship from everyone else.

  And he’d kept this all to himself because he didn’t want me to feel bad. He didn’t want me to feel bad for hurting him. The guilt and shame hit me all over again like a baseball bat to the back of the head.

  “I’m such a horrible girlfriend,” I wailed, feeling the hot burn of tears well up in my eyes again. “Why am I like this?”

  “You are not! Seriously, what happened? Is this about Non? What did he do?”

  She pulled me into a hug. The sweet vanil bean perfume from her sweater rose to my nose. I breathed it in and hugged her more tightly.

  “He didn’t do anything. It was all me. I hurt him … I …”

  A pathetic whimper fell out of my mouth. She gently rubbed my back, keeping silent as if patiently waiting for me to continue.

  I huffed out a shaky breath. “I’m sorry, Ash. I came here wanting to talk to you, but I can’t … I can’t talk about it.”

  “We won’t talk about it if you don’t want to,” she reassured. “Just know that I’m here for you if you ever want to share. Do you want to talk about something else? Or eat some more ice-cream?”

  In spite of the overwhelming pain I was drowning in, I couldn’t help but feel warmed by her unwavering care and support for me.

  “Thank you …” I hiccuped. “More ice-cream, please.”

  We finished the whole pint of ice-cream and then went down to buy some food for supper. Ashley tried to provide distraction by talking about the bizarre plot of this new mystery novel she was reading. I tried asking a few questions to keep the conversation going, but my mind was drowning in contrition. I couldn’t focus on her answers.

  When we got back to her room, we pyed one of the card games she’d brought from home.

  While I couldn’t say that I felt much better—or even any better at all—after spending this quality time with her, which I’d missed greatly since we’d left Fairwood, I was thankful to have her company. I needed my best friend. Seeing the visible concern on her face made me want to cry all over again, however. If things went south, I at least had my family and friends who cared deeply about me.

  But who did Non have? Who did Non have who knew about his plight and struggles? Although Mr. Lawson cared about him, Non himself had admitted on multiple occasions that his dad still wasn’t quite good at expressing himself emotionally. I couldn’t bear to think about Non closing himself off from the rest of the world because he felt he was alone.

  He only had me to confide in. He couldn’t even come to Ashley, Melissa, Derek, or even Cody about it.

  And if he wanted to live a normal life, where he could make new friends without having to worry about disclosing his deepest secret or having it discovered, he couldn’t stay the way he was now.

  It made me cry all over again, forcing my sobs to be as quiet as possible.

  Ashley looked up from her hand of cards. Sighing, she set them down on the bed and moved closer to give me another hug.

  “Is there anything I can do to help?”

  I pressed my lips together in an attempt to keep my cries inside. I shook my head and hugged her back.

  “Thank you,” I said thickly.

  Ashley drove me back to my dorm. Before I left her car, she plied me with several packaged snacks, insisting that I needed them more, and that she could always get more if she wanted. I didn’t put up too much of a resistance, giving in after the first time I tried turning her down and she refused to take them back.

  “I’ll check in on you tomorrow morning,” she said. “Try not to sleep too te.”

  “Okay.”

  I knew she had css early in the morning, and I felt bad for making her stay up with me until midnight.

  “Sorry for keeping you up so te,” I blurted out.

  “Chelsea, you’re literally my best friend,” she said, looking appalled. “I’ll stay up however te it takes if it means helping you feel better. Remember that you can talk to me anytime, okay? I’m here if you need me.”

  “Thanks, Ash.” I teared up again. “I really appreciate it. You’re the best.”

  I tried to sleep for a while, but my mind refused to let go of the nagging worries and anxiety. Eventually, I gave up trying and sat back up. My roommate Jessica was sleeping soundly on her side of the room, little snores emitting from her. Not for the first time, I was thankful that she was such a heavy sleeper. Simir to Non, nothing short of violently shaking her like my life depended on it or repeatedly shouting her name would wake her.

  I clipped my mini night light onto the detective novel I was in the middle of reading and turned it on. For the next several minutes, I flipped mindlessly through it, barely absorbing the words on the pages. I was halfway through the pack of gummy worms Ashley had given me when my phone lit up with a vibration.

  It was a text from Non. Reluctantly, I allowed myself to read the message.

  ‘I spoke with my dad. I’ll be going home this weekend to test it out.’

  I wanted to leave it tonight.

  I wanted to reply in the morning, when I could think about it without breaking down, when I could make a better attempt at getting a grip.

  I envisioned him sitting on his bed, staring at his phone, wondering if I was already asleep.

  Or maybe he had sent the message and chucked his phone in his drawer, not wanting to see my response until tomorrow.

  Or maybe he had sent it and now he was on his way, keeping himself inconspicuous, to a nearby forest to find food. I pictured him nabbing a squirrel from its den in a tree, feeling disgusted by his hunger but unable to curb his unwelcome appetite for blood. I pictured him drinking from it anyway, sick to his stomach that he couldn’t eat something normal.

  My traitorous mind conjured up an image of his tear-streaked face, vulnerable and exhausted. It was too vivid, still a fresh and raw memory, for me to wave away despite shaking my head with some frustration.

  It wasn’t until today that I realized I’d been taking things so lightly. When I learned that he was a vampire, all I cared about was that he didn’t want to drink from humans and that he was still a caring, non-murderous person.

  I hadn’t given an iota of thought to his inner conflict about having to live the way he did.

  I’d taken for granted that he couldn’t go out into the sun. I hadn’t considered that he might have wanted to do it, that he would miss it, and that he was missing it every day that he woke up and still couldn’t do it.

  I’d taken for granted that he couldn’t eat normal food, that he had to drink the blood of animals to stave off his thirst. He had mentioned hating it before, that it was proof of how he could never be normal, but because he hardly ever brought the topic up, I never gave it further consideration. I didn’t think about how desperately he must have wanted to be able to eat normal food again, hating every moment that he couldn’t.

  Just because he hadn’t voiced it, since he hated talking about his situation, I thought these problems didn’t exist or had ceased to be problems. I hadn’t even thought to dig deeper. I thought he was fine. I wasn’t there for him. And then I even hurt him further by trying to pretend like he was just a friend in front of us.

  I was so, so selfish.

  It wouldn’t be a wonder if he felt he was alone. It was amazing that he could still love me.

  Shutting my paperback with both hands, I tucked it into my nightstand drawer.

  I grabbed my phone and quietly left the room. When I entered the currently unoccupied lounge on my floor, I made for the nearest couch and called him.

  He picked up on the first ring.

  Maybe he really had been waiting to see if I would reply tonight. I couldn’t believe I had entertained the idea of pretending to be asleep.

  “Chelsea?” His voice was filled with confusion.

  I loved hearing his low voice. I wanted to keep hearing it for the rest of my life. I didn’t want to lose him.

  “Hi,” I said softly. “Thanks for letting me know.”

  “Yeah, of course.”

  My lungs protested as I forced a rge intake of air into them.

  “Can I come with you?”

  He was silent for a moment.

  Right as I was about to say something again, he said, “You want to?”

  I didn’t want to see him burning under the sun. I wasn’t sure I wanted to witness any part of it. There was one thing I was absolutely sure of, however. I didn’t want Non to go back alone and feel like he had to take this life-changing step all by himself.

  Before I could say yes, he spoke again.

  “You don’t need to, you know. Whether you come or not, it won’t change the outcome. And it won’t be a pretty sight.”

  My heart skipped a beat and squeezed painfully.

  “Do you … not want me there?”

  There was another pause.

  “That’s not it. I always want you with me. I just didn’t think that you wouldn’t want to be here to see this.”

  “I want to be there for you.”

  “Okay.” The relief was evident in his voice, and I was grateful that I had finally made at least one right choice. “We’ll go together.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said, a lump growing in my throat again. “I’m so sorry I hurt you. I was so caught up in my own worries that I didn’t ask you about yours. I should’ve realized you weren’t okay. I wasn’t there for you.”

  “Don’t. It’s not all your fault. I never talked about it because I didn’t want to face it. I didn’t want you to think about it.” It hurt to hear his humorless chuckle. “I didn’t want to give you more opportunities to think about the dead end our retionship had become. For all my selfless talk about letting you go, I really wanted to hold onto you for as long as I could.”

  Even as a tear broke free and rolled down my face, I smiled. “Me too. I thought that I could hold onto you for a little longer if I just acted like everything was fine.”

  “I want to say ‘great minds think alike,’ but considering how it didn’t exactly pan out the way we pnned, our minds aren’t really that great.”

  That made me snort.

  After I wiped away my tears, I asked, “What did your dad say after you told him?”

  “We talked for a while about it. Ultimately, he thinks it’s risky, but he understands why I would take the risk.” He paused again. “He apologized to me again. He said I wouldn’t be facing this if he’d paid more attention to me when I was younger.”

  “He probably feels really guilty.”

  “Yeah. But you can’t turn back time, and I’ve forgiven him. All I want now is to be able to live as a normal person again.”

  “You will.” The decision was already made. I could only hope and pray for the best at this point.

  “Yeah, I have to. I still haven’t crossed marrying you off my checklist of life goals.”

  I blushed. “Yeah, so you have to.”