Oh, That’s. Better than I thought from that Beautiful god.

  It's about time I start exploring my surroundings! Exploring the abandoned house, I find the phallically shaped rubber rod along with the mankini that the demon lord gave me, God did say to identify everything so…

  ‘‘Hey identify what is this. Thing. in front of me’’

  HOLY SHINTO TALK ABOUT OP, Both of them have weird stains, And I REALLY don’t want to use them.

  But look at those stats…

  NO! PRESERVE THE LAST BIT OF DIGNITY YOU HAVE LEFT, I WON'T GIVE IN TO THE TEMPTATION! No matter how good the stats are, I won't be wearing that! Speaking of stats ‘’status’’

  It changed!? But I didn’t even do anything yet, ‘’Hey identify, How are levels earned and what are they?’’

  Oh, So levels are a mental kind of thing while skill levels are physical ‘’Ok then, But hey identify why didn’t you tell me I levelled up my skills!’’

  Ugh so picky '‘Hey identify, Set notifications on to tell me when I level up or gain titles, Points and skills and remove the damage popups’’ I don't want to get distracted when fighting an enemy from a random blue box that appears every time I get hurt.

  Oh and I need to check out my new titles and set points ‘’Hey identify explain new titles’’

  Oh and I need to allocate my points ‘’Set 5 points to vit’’

  Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

  DAFT IT SIRI ‘’HEY IDENTIFY SET 5 POINTS TO VIT’’

  Wait, Why am I using voice again? I can just click on the status screen. AAH IM SO STUPID I blame that retard title, I click strength 10 times, Endurance 5 times, Intelligence 3 times and wisdom 2 times ‘’show stats’’

  Now that that’s out of the way, I walk outside the house to have a look-see.

  The log house has three rooms, A bedroom, An empty room and the living room, All covered in dust.

  No toilets, Bathrooms or kitchen though, I suppose you do those outside or something.

  Outside is a small clearing around the house, With a broken wooden fence around the perimeter, What a quaint little abode if I do say so myself good sir, That is if you ignore how it is falling apart, All the holes and the dust.

  Pouring the bottomless water bottle above my head I have a makeshift shower to wash the gunk off my body, I repeatedly use suck on the water to dry me off little by little

  The amount of water getting sucked off my body increases.

  Truthfully it’s less of a ‘Suck’ and more of a ‘Slightly falling off my body faster’, I really need to level this up.

  Wiping off my body with my new cloak since suck was taking too long and I was getting cold, I look up to see a normal yellow sun and blue sky! Sadly, The aforementioned sun was running away from me by turning night. Can I suck the moisture in the air? SUCK

  Dingo, I feel like I’m stuck at a pay-wall in a game ‘You don’t have the DLC’ just let me do what I want! ‘‘Hey identify can I automate my suck?’’ I don’t want to consciously do this every time to level up

  Ugh, I hope you get hacked stupid identify.

  Why do all those protagonists get a walking dictionary, While all I get is a useful Siri?

  It's getting dark outside now so I get in the house, Sit on the straw be-MYEOWCH stupid tail, Getting up and lowering again gently on the straw bed, Making sure I don’t sleep on my tail and using the cloak of concealment as a blanket…

  its really uncomfortable, The straw is poking me all over, The smell is terrible, My skin is itchy my blanket is moist, I’m having an all-around bad time. Repeatedly using suck on the cloak I fall asleep.

  The morning sun rises; My eyes flash open ‘’AAAAAAAHHHHHH…’’ IIT SWIGGITY SWOOTY ON A FLIP FLOP THAT HURTS LIKE A TICK TACK TOE, WHAT THE FRICK FRACK HAPPENED WHEN I SLEPT? Huh? Notifications?

  Why is everything levelled up? What the hulk happened? Why is my bed covered with blood! Am I on my period? ‘‘Status Health!’’

  The shizzlewizzle I could’ve died last night! Looking down I find the culprit for everything, My own claws…

  My eyes watering, The pain unbearable, Mini-me shredded, Cloak filled with holes and body cut all over. A few hours pass with picking out all the hay in my wounds, Cleaning this mess, Having another shower, A little sobbing and regeneration getting to level 6 certainly helps speed up my recovery ‘’status health’’

  Close enough, But what is, This, fatigue? My eyes are, Getting heavy, Seems like a good time, For, Another, Nap.

  zzzzzz

  yet

  Home sweet home