"Well, that wasn't as bad as I was afraid it'd be," Al commented after Will dragged the stiffened corpse of Charlie formerly-Smitherton out into the hall and found some guards to help him and Diane carry him away.

  "Our situation is somewhat too ridiculous for it to be a good lie," Bote explained, "and I suspect this helps the good captain to believe us."

  "I don't know, I did try to lie to him about why we rushed off after we dealt with the goblins."

  "Ah, but that only helps in this case. It reassured him that they are able to detect when we are less than truthful, and your reason for doing so in that one instance was benign and understandable. I expect he therefore concludes that we are willingly being generally truthful so far."

  "I guess so. If it gets us out of that mess without digging us into another one, I'll be happy. I wonder how long it'll take to walk to the Elixir Emporium and back. We never did find out exactly when they're going to want Gruntle today, did we?"

  "Not yet!" Wikwocket answered. "I'll bet it's not too late though, they probably want plenty of daylight so everyone can see!"

  They all turned at the sound of the door opening. A cheerful but haggard-looking Patrick leaned in.

  "Are you decent in here?" he asked with a grin before stepping inside.

  "I'm afraid so!" Wikwocket answered, "you missed the big orgy!"

  "No I didn't," Patrick said with a yawn. "Oh, sorry, missed the joke entirely. Ha! Had a long night, visiting all the gatherings I could to spread rumors about tonight's execution. Should drive a lot of interest today!" He scratched at his neck, smearing a patch of bright red cosmetics there that seemed to approximately match the shape of a large pair of lips.

  "Yeah, about that, how exactly is that going to happen?" Al asked with a worried glance in Gruntle's direction. The gnoll himself seemed to Al to be wary of something as well.

  "Oh, it'll be great! We've got a few public floggings scheduled to warm the crowd up. Then, just before dusk, we grab Puppycrusher out of his cell, announce him to the crowd, then throw him out into the arena. We give the crowd a little while to yell at him and get worked up. Then, we open the gates for this majestic beast to come out and chop him up, rip him apart, beat him into paste, eat him, or whatever else he wants to do, as long as it's brutal and permanent!"

  "Maybe we shouldn't include eating in the list of options," Al suggested as Gruntle drooled and panted a little with excitement.

  "Why not? Perfectly natural for gnolls, right, and it'll absolutely horrify the crowd!"

  "And... that's a good thing?"

  "Absolutely! Haven't you ever attended a public execution before?"

  "Um... no."

  "Oh, well, generally the criminal sentenced to execution isn't very popular and the crowd wants to see them suffer and die as terribly as possible. And think of the deterrent value! If don't do that or we'll chop your head off doesn't put someone off of criminal behavior, escalating to don't do that or a gnoll will eat your face while you're still alive just might!"

  "Yeah, but the crowd isn't going to like gnolls either, right? They're understandably feared and hated."

  "Oh, they'll despise Gruntle! He'll be very popular!"

  Al blinked. "What?"

  "Oh, yeah!" Wikwocket agreed. "It works that way in plays, too! You'd think it'd be the hero character that gets the most applause at the end, but if the actors are good it's usually the villain that gets the most applause, along with the leading love-interest of the hero! The villain is what makes the story interesting! Oh! We should find you a proper villain, Al! A proper magical sword hero should have a worthy antagonist! Any ideas?"

  "How about whichever authors of trashy adventure stories keep promoting that trope? I've read some of those stories, and I don't want to be someone who spends his entire life obsessively fighting against one problem that just won't go away. And I don't want to go out and purposefully make enemies, either. Anyway we're not talking about me here, I'm more worried about Gruntle. Is he going to be in danger?"

  "Nothing to worry about!" Patrick assured him. "Puppycrusher's going to be thrown out there alone, unarmed, dressed in plain prison clothes. Now, he's a pretty sturdy guy, he might throw a few punches or something, but come on! Look at this mighty beast! There's no way he can lose! Best Puppycrusher is going to be able to do is avoid dying long enough to give the crowd a good show."

  "I'm sure you know that in a real fight, all kinds of unexpected things can happen. What if the criminal actually wins?"

  "The rules are that if the criminal wins, they get to live until we schedule another execution for them. That's fine, too, gets the crowd invested and makes them want to pay to see what happens the next time!"

  "That doesn't seem like a fine outcome to me," Al objected.

  "Relax, you worry too much! I see no way a lone unarmed human is going to be any threat to this beautiful creature, and in the unlikely event that he does, you did say alchemical healing works on him, right? Guards will come right out to put the criminal back in their cell and tend to the executioner. No problem!"

  Seeing Gruntle's unabated enthusiasm, Al desisted with a huff. Wikwocket snickered.

  "What?"

  "Nothing!"

  "So, what are you fine folks planning to do while we wait for the action?" Patrick asked, "I could give you a proper tour if you'd like, or did you want to lounge around like spoiled royalty?"

  "I want a tour!" Wikwocket answered.

  "Actually, I wanted to go back and pay a visit to the Elixir Emporium from yesterday for a few hours. Do you think I have time?" asked Al.

  "Ebeneezer's place? It's a bit of a walk so you'd have to be quick about it, or you could hire a coach for a few silvers. Just be back at least an hour before sundown. I've got seats for you to watch the action with me, and we'll have a fine feast for afterwards, in case our handsome star still has room for more, ha ha!"

  "I should remain here," Bote declared, "I can meditate and watch over our friend Haunch until the appointed time."

  If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.

  "Gruntle can come with us on the tour, right?" Wikwocket asked.

  "Again," Al insisted, "Please do not torment the guards or cause problems."

  "Yeah, please don't," Patrick agreed, "I've got them prepared but some of them are still pretty nervous about our new attraction. Still, I can't say no to that gorgeous sharp-toothed smile, now, can I?"

  Al squinted at Patrick.

  "Are you...? No, never mind. All right, I'll trust the two of you not to give Patrick a hard time."

  "Hooray! Get ready for a guided tour, Gruntle!"

  The gnoll rose from his habitual crouch and headed for the privy-curtain. Haunch got down from Gruntle's bed and followed.

  "Ha ha! That's weird! What are they both doing back there?" Patrick asked.

  "It's a privy, what do you think they're doing?" Al answered, pretending that he wasn't also curious why the donkey was following the gnoll. "You could probably go look if you really wanted to know."

  Al regretted it as soon as he said it, as Patrick accepted the suggestion.

  "I think I will!" he said, tiptoeing quickly and pulling the curtain back just enough to look around. He stared with incredulous amusement for a few moments before putting the curtain back.

  "I can truthfully say that's one of the strangest things I've ever seen," he said.

  Southwall turned out to have a useful and varied population of freelance transportation providers patrolling the major streets. Al watched a few of the more luxurious carriages go by the arena before waving down a simple open two-seat chaise pulled by a speckled white pony with a gnome sitting on its back.

  "Where to?" asked the gnome, adjusting her tall, pointed, bright-red hat.

  "Ebeneezer's Elixir Emporium, I've got some things to do there for a while."

  "Oh, just got out, eh? Hop on, we'll get you there fast!"

  Al stepped up into the seat and sat down.

  "What do you mean, just got out?" he asked. The gnome laughed.

  "Don't be embarrassed, lots of people like to head there when they get out. He makes stuff, you know? Go, Sparkles!" She flicked the pony's reins and the chaise lurched into motion across the cobblestones.

  "What? I... Oh. Oh, no, I'm not a prisoner. I'm more sort of hired help there right now."

  "You're a guard? They're regular customers of Ebeneezer's, too, no need to be shy!"

  "No, not a guard, exactly. We brought something for the arena."

  "Oh! Are you a beast-tender! I heard they're bringing back execution by wild animals! I guess they stopped worrying about werewolves! Or maybe you brought werewolves? I'd pay to see that!"

  "No, no, nothing like that."

  Al thought for a moment.

  "Well, all right, a little like that, but, no, nothing to do with werewolves."

  "Actual wolves?"

  "No. From what I've heard, that'd just bring on werewolf problems again, right?"

  "Well, come on, you can't just leave me wondering now! What kind of animal did you bring?"

  "I don't really want to ...," Al began, but an imaginary Wikwocket in the back of his mind glared at him in exasperated disapproval at his passing up a chance to say something dramatic. "He's a gnoll," he admitted.

  The gnome laughed.

  "No, really, you can tell me, what is it?"

  "I'm serious, Gruntle's a gnoll."

  "Gruntle? What kind of name is that?"

  "It's kind of a long story that I'm not really good at telling. We were invited to bring him because they said since he's not a natural beast, he won't cause another werewolf problem."

  The gnome laughed again.

  "Look, if you're sworn to secrecy or something just say so. I may not know a lot about gnolls but everybody knows they're uncontrollable monsters."

  "If you don't believe me, you can come see for yourself, he's supposed to be executing somebody this evening."

  "You know what, I'm calling your bluff. How about this, I'll attend the spectacle at the arena tonight. If there's a gnoll there, I'll take you anywhere in the city you want to go tomorrow for free. How about if not, you pay me five gold coins for a ride around the city walls and explain what you're really up to tomorrow. Deal?"

  Al shrugged. "I don't see why not. There is actually somewhere I'm hoping to get to tomorrow. I could use some help finding the area."

  "All right then, it doesn't have to be around the walls, but it's still five gold coins and an explanation!"

  "Deal."

  True to her word, the gnomish chaise-driver took the most obvious and direct route to the Elixir Emporium. Al tried to pay attention to their path in case he needed to find his way back on his own.

  The Elixir Emporium had been cleaned up, Al saw, though the shelves inside were sparsely filled. Ebeneezer gave Al a strained but apparently sincere smile as he entered the shop.

  "Welcome back," Ebeneezer greeted him. "I guess I should thank you again for keeping things from turning out worse than they did. At least I still have some inventory left to sell. Are you here to learn my magical secrets, or to browse my limited stock?"

  "Both, really. I do need some supplies to properly transcribe the spell into my notes, of course. I wanted to ask about some other things, too."

  "Luckily, my stock of inks and pigments seems to be mostly intact, so that shouldn't be a problem. What else were you after?"

  "Well, the driver who brought me here mentioned that you sell... stuff."

  "I am a merchant, so, yes, selling stuff is what I do."

  "She made it sound like she meant... stuff that people don't like to talk about. She said prisoners and some of the guards are customers."

  Ebeneezer narrowed his eyes at Al.

  "Nothing I sell is illegal, if that's what you're getting at. Also, if you're a wizard, you ought to know that alchemical stimulants and intoxicants aren't safe for magic-working."

  "Oh, no, I'm not looking to buy any. It just occurred to me that if you know about that sort of thing, you might also know something about alchemical transmutation."

  "Shapechanging is definitely illegal, and I don't sell anything illegal, as I said."

  "No, no, I didn't mean that. I'm not good at this, am I? Look, we met someone in Hell's Bathtub who wants to become something stronger and healthier than they are and they asked us to see if we could find some way for them to do it. I just wanted to see if you knew how that sort of thing worked alchemically and ask you for advice."

  "Oh, I see. It's legal there, of course. I do know some of the principles involved."

  Ebeneezer scratched thoughtfully at his chin as he considered Al's face carefully.

  "That kind of thing requires some specialized ingredients, some of which can be difficult to get because they're dangerous to collect. Say, you're an adventurer, right? As you know all too well, my stock of supplies has been badly damaged recently. If you happen to know of some places where you might collect some things for me, I could pay you a fair price for them and possibly provide some alchemical processing services for your client."

  "I'm not deeply educated in alchemy as of now, but if you give us some information about what you want and how to collect it, we can at least watch for opportunities. I don't want to get you in trouble with the law here, though."

  "There are some legal possibilities. There are some things that are illegal here as a finished product that have legal intermediate products that could be taken and mixed somewhere else where it is legal. Under the circumstances, I need all the help I can get to restock my supplies. Some of what I'm missing isn't usually offered for sale. I think I may be the only alchemist who has a means of concentrating cavern-jelly essence without making it unviable. You don't happen to know somewhere you could gather and contain a large volume of live oozes, slimes, or jellies for me, do you?"

  Once Al eventually finished his business and discussions with Ebeneezer, the mid-afternoon sun told him he needed to hurry back. The coaches and carriages that passed by seemed to all be occupied, but Al managed to convince a passing wagon of ale-barrels to let him ride along as it headed for the arena to make a delivery. Crowds were already gathering at the open doors into the arena and heading inside as Al knocked on the door into the prison. Someone opened a small viewing window in the door and scrutinized him.

  "Uh, I'm with the gnoll. Things haven't started yet, have they?" Al asked.

  The viewing-window shut, and the door opened.

  "Not yet," the heavyset guard answered. "Patrick said to watch out for you. I'll escort you back to your cell. Patrick said he'd handle the rest personally. If you're looking for sausage, I already used mine."

  "Uh... what?"

  "It was fun!" said Wikwocket in response to Al's inquiry about how their day had gone in his absence. "It was adorable how all the guards kept feeding Gruntle pieces of sausage! Patrick showed us around for a while. A lot of the people in here are pretty dull, but some of them are very interesting! You should see the size of the hands the Southwall Strangler has!"

  "City guard finally caught up to him yesterday!" Patrick explained. "Council's still deliberating over what to do with him, turns out he hasn't actually killed anyone yet that we know of, but he's left a few victims with permanent injuries. I'm hoping they'll let us try your gnoll out on him. That's for another day, though. Oh, listen to that! Sounds like it's time to go!"

  Al strained to hear. From his perspective, there was only a quiet sound like a distant rushing wind.

  "The walls here are thick, but when the crowd really gets going you can still hear it! Come on, let's get your beautiful beast in place to make his appearance, and then we should have time to catch the last few whippings and beatings from the best seats in the arena before the main event!"