Chapter Forty-Nine - Being Hel Fancy

  “Friendship is what we do here at Broccoli’s.

  You want naughty dragons? You want cures for your hysteria? Marital aids? We don’t know why our new friends want that kind of stuff so bad, but we have it for them!

  Our inexpert staff will try their very best to help you have the most fun you can possibly have! All while staying nice and safe. Don’t forget to use your friend's rebate!”

  Ad for Broccoli’s, an exotic toy store, 2025

  ***

  I’d eaten at restaurants before. Who hadn’t?

  The problem was, most of the time... all of the time, those restaurants were cheap little pces, with shitty pstic benches angled so that no one would sit on them too long, and 100-credit menus filled with near-foods that somehow managed to taste as real as they were, but were also really addicting.

  Those pces weren't this one. Hell, I couldn’t even pronounce this pce’s name without sounding like I was pretending to be fancy.

  “This way,” the waiter said as he led us through the main floor. There were tables here and there, each with a bit of space around them, and walls on three sides with opaque gss and what was probably real wood as trim.

  There were plenty of people, which might have expined the line out front. This pce had enough room for twice as many tables if they were willing to squish people in a little, but no, everyone had a nice chair and like, a candle.

  I felt entirely out of pce.

  Lucy bumped her shoulder against mine, and I looked over to see her smiling coyly at me. She knew, of course.

  “Right over here misses, watch the step,” the waiter said as he brought us up a little ptform and to a round table with two seats, one on either end. It was small, not too small, but enough that we would almost be bumping knees.

  I swallowed and jumped ahead to pull out a chair for Lucy.

  She went to the other side and pulled out her own chair.

  I saw the waiter’s lips twitch as I tried to save face and plop myself down across from Lucy.

  “Your menus are here,” he said as he pced two booklets down. Physical menus? Weird, but alright. “If you are curious about anything at all, do ask. Ring the bell and I shall be with you within moments.”

  “Right, thanks,” I said as I kinda gestured aimlessly in his direction. He bowed again and stepped away, disappearing around the corner a moment ter.

  There’s a privacy field around your booth. Low level electromagnetic interference. Not enough to stop any really advanced listening devices, but a nice touch.

  I almost jumped at Myalis’ intrusion. I sent her a quick text, just in case she couldn’t read the mood, which, as smart as she cimed to be, I didn’t doubt that Myalis was able to miss some signs. “This is a date, M. Don’t do M things.”

  Well, I suppose I can remain quiet and merely observe your fumbling. Do enjoy.

  I tried not to let my frustration show as I grabbed one of the menus and opened it up. It was bound in leather, with the restaurant’s name stamped onto the front. Each page was some sort of thick, soft material and it looked as if the items were written by hand. But by someone who knew how to write really well.

  “This is hel fancy,” Lucy said.

  “I know, right?” I asked. “Is this how rich people eat all the time?” I gnced at the first item. The page was for... avent-gouts, whatever those were. The first thing on the list, which was in alphabetical order, was Anemone of the Sea, for the low low price of twelve-thousand credits. “You could rent an apartment for a week at that price,” I muttered.

  “Are you looking at the, uh, first page things?”

  “Yeah,” I said.

  “That’d be a really crap apartment.”

  She was right, but still. “Yeah, but it’ll st longer than however long it takes to eat this,” I said.

  Lucy ughed. “You’re the one that wanted to come here,” she said.

  I looked away. “Well, yeah, I guess.”

  Her leg poked mine. “You okay?”

  “Huh?” I asked. “Yeah, it’s just, I don’t really know what to say?”

  Lucy stared for a long moment, then she started to ugh. Big guffaws interspersed with little snorts, and I was pretty sure her legs were thumping the floor below. “Oh, Cat! You’re cute.”

  “What?”

  Lucy just shook her head and reached across the table. Her fingers wiggled until I gave in and entwined my hand in hers. It was a good thing I had a second hand now, I could still hold onto the menu. “So, once we’re settled in, what do you want to do?”

  “Uh, I don’t know,” I said. “Samurai stuff, I guess.”

  “That makes sense, yeah. I think... I want to go to school,” she said. “Like, not an online one, but an actual school.”

  “Really? That’s...” I cut myself off before saying ‘weird.’ “Not something I expected.”

  “It’s a bit weird, right?” she asked. “Ohh, they have this pte that’s nothing but teeny tiny burgers.”

  “Yeah,” I said. “Why do you wanna go to school? I mean, what kind of csses do you want to take?”

  “I think it’s partly me just wanting to see what that’s like, but I wouldn’t mind taking csses to become a teacher. Or a caretaker. Do you need a degree for that?”

  I shrugged. “Probably,” I said. “We could figure something out. The museum is in the middle of the city, kinda, I bet there are a bunch of schools nearby.”

  Lucy smiled and pulled up her menu. “So, what are you having?” she asked.

  “Uh.” I looked down, and my eyes gzed over at all the weird words. They had too many accents and marks on them to be real words. “I have no idea,” I admitted.

  Lucy ughed and squeezed my hand a bit. “Maybe ask for whatever’s most popur? It can’t be that bad if they’re serving it here, I figure.”

  “I wonder if the spoons are made of actual silver?”

  “Should we steal them?” Lucy asked.

  I nodded. Definitely. A gnce around, at all the woodwork and the marble statues and... if my four ears weren’t mistaken, what was an actual pond near the side of the room, had me feeling as if I’d just snuck into some forbidden pce. But Lucy was there, so it wasn’t all bad.

  “Do you think people would be scandalized if we started making out?” Lucy asked.

  “Uh,” I said.

  Then the waiter returned with a well-timed cm jam. “Hello dies, have you chosen?”

  Lucy nodded and pulled her hand back so that she could hold up the menu and point at things on it. “I’ll have one of these. And I don’t know what this is, but it sounds good. Also, do you have caviar? Does it actually taste good?”

  “I can assure you that ours is only the highest quality that can be obtained, and it is prepared by only the finest chefs,” the waiter said.

  “Awesome. Can we wait until after to order more?” she asked. “I want to be rolled out of here.”

  “Certainly,” he said with a bow. “And for you, miss?” he asked me.

  A gnce at the menu didn’t help any. I hadn’t exactly been focused on reading. “Do you have some sort of... meal thing? Like, it’s set up already?”

  “We do. Might I suggest the international meats ptter? It has seven varieties of meat from all of the best farms around the world, prepared in seven distinct, local fashions. It’s a little heavy but quite popur.”

  “That sounds perfect,” I said.

  Lucy and I handed him our menus, then ordered some drinks. Really, it was just water. It didn’t feel right to order energy drinks to go with the caviar.

  “So,” Lucy said once the waiter was gone. “Why this?”

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  She gestured around at the fanciness around out. “I don’t mind it, it’s kinda cute, but why?”

  I shifted a little. “It’s going to sound stupid,” I said.

  “Mmhmm,” she agreed. “But I wanna hear it.”

  I tried to be angry, failed, then rolled my eyes. “I wanted to treat you to something nice. You know, like... we never actually went on a date.”

  “We’ve been on plenty.”

  “Going to the corner store together, or stealing from an automated burger joint don’t count as dates,” I said.

  “Sure they do!” Lucy said. “They were the best dates.”

  “Maybe, but I wanted to bring you to a pce like this,” I said. “It’s uh...” I looked for something to do with my hands while fighting the creeping warmth of a blush.

  Lucy giggled and pced her hand on the table again for me to grab. “You’re such a softy.”

  “I’m not,” I said.

  “You are.”

  “Bitch, I kill things,” I said in mock indignation.

  Lucy ughed at me.

  I was saved, quite fortunately, by the arrival of the first course and our drinks. I had the impression that Lucy wasn’t done teasing me, but at least for the moment there was good food to keep her busy.

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